life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
