I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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