sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
