Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize