she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
