If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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