I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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