New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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