my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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