grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
