Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
