Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
