Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
