I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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