I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
