I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
