I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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