After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
