i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
