I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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