Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
