Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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