soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
