my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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