My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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