But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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