I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize