he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
