who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
