Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
