life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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