Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
