Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
