My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
