I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
