Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
