Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
