yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
