remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
