Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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