You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
