Dual....:-)
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You made out with two different species that night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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