Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
