Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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