Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My feet surprised me
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