that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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