I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
