ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
