i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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