remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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