singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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