it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You're like the curious george of whores
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
