i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
