If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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