Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
