my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
