It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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