Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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