I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
