I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
