She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
