Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
