Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
babies were throwing up all over the place
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
