You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
