when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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