oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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