I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
