Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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