he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed