I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
