hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?