we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.