i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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