i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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