Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
