I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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