I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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