need another drink. this is the easiest way
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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