just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize