Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the day after is always just damage control
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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