Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
