Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
