I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
