i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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