You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your penis caused this!
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